A Narrative Malifaux Battle Report (25SS, Taelor vs Candy)

Today, my local wargaming club, Southend Toy Soldiers Club, began a Malifaux campaign, starting with small games and building up using the official Wyrd Wave 3 campaign rules.

I have entered using an Outcasts faction, and my first game was against Neverborn. In the campaign system, players do not start with a Master but instead a Henchman and a limited crew. Mine is Taelor, with support from two Ronin and Rusty Alyce.

In this first game we had an even more limited force – 25 soulstones including the Henchman. The lists were as follows:

Ray (Outcasts)




3 Soulstone Cache

Paul (Neverborn)


Young Nephilim

Doppelganger (“Nursey”)

The Strategy selected was Turf War. I selected the Schemes Bodyguard (for Taelor) and Entourage. My opponent selected A Line In The Sand and Entourage. The final score was 9-7 to me, having scored maximum points for a revealed Bodyguard, 3 points for Turf War and 2 points for a revealed Entourage, versus my opponent scoring 3 points for Turf War, 1 for a revealed Line in the Sand and 3 for a revealed Entourage.

Following the game, I recruited a Freikorpsmann and drew cards for injuries. One of my Ronin gained the injury Unfocused, meaning in future games she cannot take the Focus action.

What follows is a very special kind of battle report, given that apparently a magically-empowered small child killed two highly-trained mercenaries…



AGE 8 and three quarters

Today I went to the park with Nursey and Mr Nephy who is what auntie calls my body guard, this is what we did

first of all we went for a little walk and looked at the flowers and the mawsoleems morsolems graves, they were very sad. We saw the grave of a boy called Oliver he was only eleven when he died which is only three years older than I am now. I hope I do not die when I am eleven but apparently according to mummy’s last letter even if I die I will be reborn in the arcane effer. I thought I would leave some lilies on oliver’s grave because as uncle lucius says it is a terrible thing for an innocent to die so I went to pick some from someone who was not using them. Then someone shot at me with a gun and Nursey was all afeared like the faithful nurse of Juliet in the play by Shake Speare. The people who shoot at me were what Aunty calls Ladies Of Low Character which means they wear red silk stockings and have a Red Lantern in their window which I think is very bad to read by. However I have been taught how to deal with people who put Risk To My Extremetys and screamed loudly for Mr Nephy to help me.

What happened next was Nursey took her own gun and fired at the Low Women like Miss Perdyta who visits Uncle Lucius to talk about the Matter of the Criminals. But the villains were wary and hid behind a grave, although one of them did shoot again at me and I fell over and hurt my ankle which is both very sad and An Outrage.

However I was a Good Girl and did not cry out in pain at this, for fear it would reveal my place of hiding to these villains. When I screamed again though it was not what Uncle Lucius calls the Pathetic Mewling of Babes but it was in imitation of his voice which is very commanding. When I do this people often do as I want them to but this time all that happened was another woman who I think was a Navvy which is an Itenerant Worker and thus one of the Under Class set upon me with a hammer. I think these people might have been the Trade Unions that Miss Perdyta says are Laying Good Men’s Work Low for they also attacked Nursey and did call her a Vile Creature and Never Born which is a silly insult for we are all born. Because the Navvy wished me Bodily Harm with her hammer I hid behind Oliver’s grave while Nursey protected me and Mr Nephy went to get the Guild to bring help. Sadly Nursey died it was quite gruesome one of the Low Women was armed with a sword and stabbed her with it and there were Innards evereywhere like is described happens in Great Battles. So what I did was I kicked the woman very hard in her shins and then again in a painful place and sadly she fell over and smashed her skull open on a stone gargoyle. I would have been more sad than I was but as Uncle Lucius says these Lower Orders do Not Know What Is Good For Them and besides I had hurt myself.

Then the other woman tried to grab me but I poked her in the eye and bit her ear and I do not know how but she also died by accident, the gargoyle fell off the grave and crushed her. By this point Mr Nephy was back with nice Captain Dashell who is a Soldier Who Serves His Country and several good Guild Men and they tried to kill the villanous Navvy but she did Escape into the Sewers.

That was my day in the park it was very frightening two women died and I broke my arm and Nursey died. But Aunty told me that because I was a Brave Girl she will buy me the Biggest Teddy Bear I Have Ever Seen.


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